Girl Lies About Her Age On Facebook, Father Makes Her Tell The Truth

I’m not going to lie when I say that I fear for this chicks safety. That Puerto Rican dad is no joke when it comes to protecting his daughter and keeping all the scum bag guys away from her. I doubt fault him, if I ever had a daughter, I’d just kill myself because you have to deal with guys 24/7 trying to stick their little peckas in her. A wise man once said “When you have a boy you have to worry about one dick. When you have a girl, you have to worry about everybody’s dick.” She’s 13 and with social media, sexting, apps and everything else you can do, it exposes them. And let’s be honest girls are dumb, they always fall for it, they always get sucked in, no pun intended.

This Dad has already lost control. She’s 13 pretending to be 17 because why? It’s the power of the D. She wants it, she needs it, she’s gotta have it. I don’t think this video or any threats are going to change that. Your going to have to lock her up, home school her and disconnect her from the world is you have any shot to keep her ‘daddys little girl’. And lets be honest here, do you think she learned anything? Look at her posture, she’s saying whatever she needs to say to stop this humiliation. But come tomorrow night she’ll be right back at it on Tinder, tell boys she’s legal and shit. It aint right.

P.s. 84% chance this guy beat the piss out of this girl after said video. I’m not saying it’s right but she’ll definitely think about lying about her age.

P.p.s. 98% chance she runs away from home, stops lying about her age and becomes a prostitute #truth

 

Can’t Get A Swipe Right On Tinder – Here You Go

I know some of the men or maybe even women out there are getting a little frustrated with Tinder. You just can’t find that right person to ‘Swipe You Right’ but I’m here to help. Put this T-shirt on take a decent picture of yourself and make it your profile pic. Ladies maybe cut it deep so you show some cleavage and no doubt the opposite sex will be liking you all day every way. It’s a can’t miss shirt. Gentleman, you put this shirt out there, the ladies have no choice but to swipe you right. Not only does it show class but it screams of all business.

Once you get that perfect match, throw her a comedic line like ‘I’m not saying I’m hero but I did deliver a baby in an elevator.’ Boom, laid-city. Your Welcome.

P.s. If you want a shirt email me at info@permanentcrayon.com . I also have shirts that say #Tinder Strong on them.

Who Would You Rather Lose For The Year – Rondo Or Seguin

This is a really tough one for me. I guess you can easily make the case for Rondo and I know a lot of people will point directly to him. They will say there is absolutely no way you can lose him. He is the floor general, hes the driver of the bus and without him the team is like a rocking chair… moving but going no where. But here me out.

With rondo, yes you lose an incredible athlete and your sole ball handler but with the Celtics you still have Pierce. You can ride him on the offensive side of the ball even if he’s getting old. Not too mention that Rondo has looked wicked sloppy on the defensive side of the ball. Not to mention Rondo is a big baby, I don’t care how good of an offensive year he is having. Sure there will be some growing pains with him out of the lineup but this team needed a shake up. They always looked so flat. Maybe now you give those added minutes to Terry and Lee and they can start to get in their groove and fill a bigger role.

With Seguin, you lose your only star on the team. This Bruins team is made of a lot of good players like Krejci, Bergeron and Horton. But they can’t carry a team quite like Seguin can. He anchors the power play that’s getting better with the addition of Hamilton. He is a true #1 center in this league that you don’t find in many places. He will solely be responsible for 100 plus goals this year without a doubt even with Claude’s pack it in defense. You lose him, you’re left with a team that can’t put up more than 2 goals a game.

A lot of people are quick to say Rondo is so important. But if you break it down, I think the Celtics will be fine. And let’s hope we don’t have to see the B’s without Seguin.

EDIT: Would you look at that… Thank you Kaitee

Celtics actually have a slightly better win % WITHOUT Rondo in lineup the last 4 seasons (.618 / .604) via @espnstatsinfo.

— Kaitee Daley (@daleysports) January 28, 2013

LeSean McCoy Baby Mama Feud

@cutondime25 no a bitch ass niggas with a lil dick full of herpes lol successful nah that’s too big of a word for you lol

— Steph (@Angelface0330) January 27, 2013

@cutondime25 saying you fucked me without knowin my name how many hoes u fuck raw without knowin there name dickhead 👏😂😭

— Steph (@Angelface0330) January 27, 2013

Listen I’m not going to dissect this down to each letter. And I know every blog has already touched on this but I feel for the guy, any chick airing her dirty laundry on Twitter is no friend of mine. He’s an idiot for baiting her though. That’s here nor there. What concerns me is the small pecka comment. Women you can’t go there. Not to mention is that a ‘oxymoron’ to say a black guy has a small dick. What’s small for them 8 inches? Shit, give me half of that and I’m fucking Ron Jeremy.

And how about the raw dog part… Ah sweetheart it’s 2013, if you aren’t raw doggin’, you aren’t living. And so what he didn’t know your name… I don’t know half my employees names that I work with 5 days a week. It’s called a bad short term memory, it’s a disability. You wouldn’t make fun of someone in a wheel chair would you?

Lastly, who am I to throw stones at a glass house… but I read through all his and her tweets. I needed a translator to say the least. It makes me think if I ever made it to the NFL, I would have to hire someone like Dice-K did and just translate all the trash talk. Obviously he had a midget China man with a calculator, and I would need a 6-4 black guy wearing a big gold chain who’s strapping.

P.S. Love the play by LeSean after this got way out of hand. #power

Hangover City and Brunch

 

Another disastrous night. I have a furious hangover and brunch is the only cure I can think of. Now this is my go too… straight to the point. Ham Egg Cheese Omelette, Home Fries and Wheat toast. I always add an extra egg because I’m fat and 3 is never enough. Now some mornings I’ll get English muffins as a sub to the wheat bread but only if it’s grilled. My buddy always goes pancakes.. I know right, who the hell gets pancakes after a long night. They are heavy as shit, I’d probably just puke all over the table.

P.s. If you get chocolate chip pancakes after blacking out, you’re an animal. They are delicious but way to rich for that type of situation.

Gun To Your Head… Rats vs Spiders

My friends and I were having this discussion the other day. Who would you rather have living in your home. Rats or Spiders. My buddy’s like – Spiders are so scary, the black widow can kill you. Now without hesitation I said give me Spiders all day every way. Fucking rats are disgusting, they are huge with that long pink tail, they can make their bodies like Alex Mack and they have teeth. No thank you. Not too mention, they most definitely can gang up on you and probably overthrow the house, make you their bitch or just kick you out. When I think of Rats, I think of that scene in Fast and the Furious 2, when the guy torture the cop by putting a rat on his stomach and smothering it with a tin can. If that’s not bad enough they also force heat on it so the Rat eats through the guys stomach. That scene still gives me nightmares. I’d rather have a bunch of Daddy Longlegs hanging around near the ceiling making web towns and chilling. They don’t hurt anyone. Sure  I may eat a few while I’m sleeping but at least they aren’t eating me. I’ll even let a few bite me, no problem, I’ll just put some lotion on it and bam good as new. Oh and spare me the Black Widow bs. I’ll squash that bitch 5 times till Sunday. If a spider kills you, you deserve to die, plain and simple. Listen I know I can over power mega spiders, they are small, slow and weak, but rats are a different story, fast as fuck and can transform and shit.

Ps. If I lived in Australia or some shit like that maybe it would be different. But I am in America, the land of the free and the home of the brave. Bring on the Spiders.

Chicks Will Swoon

Hate on this kid… I dare you. I’m not going to lie to you and say I am a phenomenal dancer but I’m not scared to get out there. But this kid just brings the heat. My body would look like jello if I tried to pull off that free style. Just one power move after another, with no regard for anyone in that arena. Get it son, get those sluts wet. Oh and I don’t want to go there but I see a young (Footloose) Kevin Bacon in this SOB.

Ps. It felt a little awkward watching that video. Kept getting the feeling I was the perverted uncle.

Tell me Everyone Has Seen The Newsies

So here I am today talking to some chick while I’m having a beer at lunch, and I make reference to Christian Bale’s performance in ‘The Newsies’. She looks at me like ‘Wait is that a new movie?’ I literally almost dropped my beer and left. Who hasn’t seen the The Newsies? It’s an absolute colt classic. I’ve known this girl for almost 10 years and she goes and drops that bomb on me. I felt like our whole relationship has been a lie. Now, all I could think about was 2 years ago when we went to THE SAME Halloween party and I was wearing my Newsies costume. Did she not notice… Did she lie when she said she loved it… you know what she answered? Oh I thought you were an 1960s cab driver. Are you out of your fucking mind… 1. That’s preposterous and 2.  Do 1960s cab drivers drive around with newspapers on their lap. Just a ludicrous statement. It’s safe to say I shunned her until she gives me a written review of the movie.

Ps. Do you know what news means? It’s actually an anagram for North East West South. Take that in.

So About Last Night

I wake up with no pants on in her bed, her panties on my head and the girl no where to be found. Let’s go back… lets go back. Lets figure out how we got here. Apparently I went a little too hard last night, again.

So, we go to the bar and I meet up with (lets call her Jasmine, not because she looks anything like the slut in Alladin, I’d just want to bang the… slut in Alladin) Jasmine and she is with a few friends.  We have some drinks, some shots, some more shots, and the night is going swimmingly. I know I need to get this chick stupid tonight, which isn’t too hard considering she weighs a buck 05 when she looks at me (aka soaking wet, see what I did there). We did 2 Vegas Bomb back to back and this is where everything starts to fade a little. We took a cab ride to her place, and I remember the ride smelling like rotten sea shells. Don’t ask me why it smelt like that, I was hammered, but I know I wasn’t happy about it. Now comes her account of the whole night because it’s black in my mind. Supposedly, I get her in the room, I’m putting my moves on or to better detail the situation I just ripped off my and her clothes as fast as possible. We start banging and I grabbed her panties to tried to shove them in her mouth (porn style). She said she liked it for a minute but then couldn’t breathe. I guess I kept forcing them in so she flipped over ripped them out and jammed them on my head. I guess I loved it and wouldn’t take them off. She said I kept pretending to be like a Knight in a dual (as I banged her) which is incredible in my mind. After about 20 min which is a record for me, we finished up and I passed out. I guess a short time later she hears me move, I roll out of bed and start pissing in her closet. She kept telling me that it wasn’t the bathroom, but I insisted it was ok. She wasn’t happy at this point, tried to put me back to bed (I wouldn’t let her take off the panties) and left the room out of disgust. Not a bad night for this guy. Not only did I get laid, but I got the bed to myself.

Don’t Be That Guy

Listen to this shit this kid pulled last night. He does the lean and drop on me. For you who don’t know what that is, it’s when someone reaches over you when you’re at the bar. I’m standing talking to some minx and this bro comes from behind, does the lean and drop so he can put his empty in front of me. I don’t care if you are Prince Henry (hate that guy) or some peasant from the foothills of Germany, you don’t pull the lean and drop. It’s a god damn bar, just leave it to the side somewhere and get yourself another one. Not only are you ruining my game by rattling me, but I don’t need the girl I am working hard for distracted by some other dude. It’s just bro code. Grow up guy.

P.S. If you order a Patron and Orange Juice, you have the gay. You aren’t fooling anyone, I know and you know that it’s the same as a Tequila sunrise just not as pretty. Get the grenadine and own bra. Don’t be scare to look like a douche because you aren’t hiding it from no one.