Although St. Patty’s Day On A Sunday Seems Like A Good Idea, It’s Not

 

My national holiday has came and went and it’s safe to say, a small part of me died. Having St. Patrick’s Day on a Sunday is God telling us that we have no control over ourselves. Since I was on a long weekend, I blacked out Friday and Saturday which you would think would stop me from going hard again on Sunday but no, I decided that I owed it to my fellow Irish brothers to get back on the horse and destroy my brain cells one more time. Right now my head feels like the equivalent of a boxer who just went 12 rounds and didn’t throw a punch. Just absorbing head shots and body shots all night without any push back. I’m looking at this screen right now and all I’m seeing is snow when your TV cable goes out. My eyes hurt, my head hurts, my leg hurts, my neck hurts, and my stomach is turning. I don’t want to speak because I’m scared my vocals are destroyed from yelling for 3 days straight and I’m mega scared to look at my penis because the girl it had been inside Saturday could of quite possibly been a whore. And I mean that seriously, there’s a legitimate chance she had a pimp. I’m not talking to any of my friends for a least 3 weeks and I refuse to look at my bank account until my next pay check.

I hope the rest of you are having a better Monday than me… Actually no, if you’re not dying today then you’re shifty and I don’t trust your ass.

P.s. It’s incredible how many squiggly red lines I’m seeing right now.

Irish Fat Guys Are The Best

These type of pranks are dumb to me, maybe it’d be funny if I was present and had a hand in it but I just don’t get a laugh out of them. However, what I do love is fat Irish guys who have the authentic accent, I’d say it’s second to none. When he keeps calling them ‘fucking bastards’, I could watch that all day. Everyone knows fat guys fall into the deepest sleep out of anyone, the guy was probably in the 3rd REM cycle banging some smoke bomb while he laid on a bed made of bacon. Regardless though, 100% this guy went right back to sleep. If there is one thing fat guys do best it’s eat and sleep, well maybe fat Irish guys it’s eat sleep and drink.