Although St. Patty’s Day On A Sunday Seems Like A Good Idea, It’s Not

 

My national holiday has came and went and it’s safe to say, a small part of me died. Having St. Patrick’s Day on a Sunday is God telling us that we have no control over ourselves. Since I was on a long weekend, I blacked out Friday and Saturday which you would think would stop me from going hard again on Sunday but no, I decided that I owed it to my fellow Irish brothers to get back on the horse and destroy my brain cells one more time. Right now my head feels like the equivalent of a boxer who just went 12 rounds and didn’t throw a punch. Just absorbing head shots and body shots all night without any push back. I’m looking at this screen right now and all I’m seeing is snow when your TV cable goes out. My eyes hurt, my head hurts, my leg hurts, my neck hurts, and my stomach is turning. I don’t want to speak because I’m scared my vocals are destroyed from yelling for 3 days straight and I’m mega scared to look at my penis because the girl it had been inside Saturday could of quite possibly been a whore. And I mean that seriously, there’s a legitimate chance she had a pimp. I’m not talking to any of my friends for a least 3 weeks and I refuse to look at my bank account until my next pay check.

I hope the rest of you are having a better Monday than me… Actually no, if you’re not dying today then you’re shifty and I don’t trust your ass.

P.s. It’s incredible how many squiggly red lines I’m seeing right now.

Is ‘Can Brittany Griner Play In NBA?’ The Most Laughable Statement In The History Of Man Kind?

Video Here – Yahoo sucks and won’t let me embed it.

I’m not even going to dedicate a lot of time on this topic because I know Yahoo is just trolling me when they through this topic out there. You can’t ask that question with a straight face and you know it. I have no problem with women, I think they are hot sexy and incredible cooks but as my grandfather used to all say, ‘Do what your good at.’ Guys are athletic  strong, intense specimens and woman are soft, fragile caring people. They don’t mix. Hey Griner go cover Howard in the post, ‘OK Coach’ fast forward one second and Howard just pasteurized Griner and she’s now in  a coma. I don’t care who you put her against they would out muscle her every single time. And forget about the offensive side of the ball, she would get boxed out continuously. There just isn’t a chance on god’s green earth that she would ever last a minute in the NBA. I’d rather have Robert Swift and his ginger-less soul on my team than a tall lanky female.

Do you want to know what the telling tail of Women’s Basketball vs Men’s Basketball? This one stat, and one stat only. Dunks. They record Griners dunks like they are triple doubles. Griner had a huge game last night, 10 pts, 10 rebounds and 1 dunk. What a freak she is.

Begging For Attention Chick Hits Half Court Shot

Her foot was over the line. Her foot was over the line. Listen, that’s great she hit the shot, I bet it’s the first time she’s made a ‘basket’ in her life but if we are nit picking here. Does it really count? I know that in many half court shot contest (I doubt she wins anything) you can’t go over the line. Although we don’t see her feet land, laws of physics says that if her hands were at the line then her feet have to be over it due to momentum. I think it’s one of Newton’s Three Laws, maybe something to do with inertia. Just saying.

P.s. This chick looks blazin’. The kid at the end is doing it all wrong, you need to grab her, pick her up, run to the bathroom and stuff her. Kids these days.

Do I Love Or Hate This Video?

Listen I have no filter. I do, say whatever I want when I want because I feel there is comedy in that. My friends love me for it, my girl tolerates it and my mother hates it. This video is tough to gauge here. How do I know he didn’t do 6000 of these and just cut it up to the 20 or so people that said yes. I guess I will never know but what I do know is this guys attitude is top notch. He walks up to chicks, calls it like he sees it, doesn’t pay really any attention to them and boom they’re dripping for more. You can’t hate the hustle, he came, he spit and he conquered  This is what everyone should do in  a bar, just come out guns a blazing. No beating around the bush. Usually my confrontation with chicks go something like this.

I’m not scared to have a good time. You interested?

9 times out of 10, I get shut down but that 1 time, that 1 time is all you need and you’re ruffling the sheets with some minx. Although now I might just say, hey put your number in my phone. No gimmicks, just clean and direct like my favorite porno’s.

What Color Am I Today? – Neon Carrot

 

Neon Carrot – I’m feeling bright today but still dull as the taste of a carrot.

Today is going to be a good day. My To Do list is rather long but there’s nothing that excited me more than crossing off things from my list. Just something about achieving your goals for the day that makes you feel good. I kind of cheat though, I always put some arbitrary things on the list just so I can easily cross them off. For instance one of those is, ‘make breakfast’. I mean come on, you gotta eat right.

My hangover if finally over which is a win for everyone. I’ll be weighing in today which should be disappointing, considering I don’t feel any better or worse. So, I’m going to be telling myself, today is a good day even if I’m lying.

 

It’s Friday Ladies and Gentlemen…

… So get drunk, get laid, get stupid or whatever floats your boat. I’ll be posting here and there this weekend but more importantly I’ll be back in full force Monday. Don’t forget I’ll be weighing in either Monday or Tuesday. I haven’t decided yet but most likely Tuesday so be sure to see if I’ve gained weight or lost some.

We had a good week, we deserve the time off so make the most of it and don’t be scared to get weird.

Ps. Lets go 49ers -3. And Over 47.

This Michigan Story Is Absolutely Hilarious

Brandon said the athletic department catfished several athletes to teach them the dangers of social networking. Very interesting.

— Kyle Rowland (@KyleRowland) February 1, 2013

On the UM catfishing: They had an attractive female contact athletes on social media. Some athlete responses were wholly inappropriate.

— Kyle Rowland (@KyleRowland) February 1, 2013

Brandon had meeting with players, and the girl walked in. Athletes were shocked, but it was valuable lesson in dangers of social media.

— Kyle Rowland (@KyleRowland) February 1, 2013

There was no public shaming. I see many OSU fans bashing Michigan and Brandon, but I think it’s smart to educate players.

— Kyle Rowland (@KyleRowland) February 1, 2013

First of all, I had no idea what catfishing was before Manti Te’o. I’m not sure if a lot of people are in that boat but before I just called it ‘Losers tricking other losers into thinking they are hot girls who want to bang them.’ I guess catfishing has a better ring to it. Regardless, how much fun do you think the AD had getting these players thinking he was some hot piece of ass that wanted to bang them. Probably sitting behind the computer as I am now just giggling and shit. You’re the head of one of the biggest College Football schools in the country and your pretending to be a hot 20-something chick. I don’t care if this was educational or not, you look and sound like a dumbass. I’ll tell you this, not many guys will turn down a chick saying ‘Hey baby, I saw your game the other day, your so hot, I want to blow you.’ What do you think these adolescents are going to do? Of course they are going to answer with some vulgar statement and even a few dicey photos in return. Men are dogs, they’ll believe anything if their confidence goes up.

I’ll tell you a quick story and this will probably put me in the losers column but whatever. When I was in high school, myspace was huge and my buddy used to meet chicks on it all the time. So I set one up, I pulled pictures from another ‘dating site’ called WhatTheDilly and I sparked up a conversation. This chick was absolutely banging too. She had booty shorts in some of the photos, others she was classed up in a tight dress. Just thinking back I wish I still had the photos. I bet she’s a train wreck now though, probably been run through 1000 times by dudes. Back to the story, my buddy starts to really get involved with this chick. Emailing her out of control, now remember it’s me. If was fucking weird. So I set up a meet in a high school parking lot, I told him to bring flowers and a boy band CD from the 90’s. Me and 3 of my closest friends went to the meet, waited and sure enough he shoes up. I ask what are you doing here, he made up some bullshit lie. We looked in his front seat saw the flowers and a 98 degrees CD and started dying. The kid had no idea. Kid thought he was meeting the girl of his dreams instead he was stuck with a dozen flowers and Nick Lachey.

What Color Am I Today? – Blue Green

It’s Friday. Need I same more? I haven’t had this long of a week in about 3 years. I have one gym sessions left before my day of rest and the work week is over. We have clear blue skies today, a little wind and the temp is at a solid 32 degrees. I couldn’t ask for anything more. My body feels great, although is doesn’t look any difference which is disappointing but we are only 3 days in. I’m boozing tonight with the boys so hopefully I’ll have a great story for you tomorrow. Maybe not though, I don’t have anything lined up. Regardless it’s Friday, it’s time to switch gears to liquor and whores.

Danny Boy Can’t Do Anything Right

Can I ask one question please, how the fuck does Dan let this happen? You want to bang some little slut that works with you, be my guest. But tell me this, how the hell do you 1. Get her pregnant and 2. let her have the baby. I don’t want to be an asshole but how he didn’t pay her 50 grand to have an abortion or at least ‘accidentally’ push her down the stairs is remarkable to me. That child is going to cost him 2-5 mil minimum to raise it now, he should of taken the short money and cut her off at the source.

Do any of these famous people understand what pulling out is. Ya, I get it, there’s no shot I’m using a condom but I’m smart enough not to bust my load inside a chick. Isn’t it better to unleash an absolute frozen rope on her face instead. I’m guessing his wife doesn’t let him do that or he wouldn’t be sneaking around boning the hot production assistant, well maybe he still would but that’s here nor there. I don’t know, if I’m filthy rich and I’m banging sluts on the side you have to keep it in your mind they are after your loot. You gotta stay close to the chest there and find another spot to come to fruition.

P.s. Dan can’t do anything right. The guy couldn’t win a Super Bowl then, why would I expect him to cheat correctly now.

iPhone Needs To Change This ASAP

(Left side regular texting vs right side iMessanger)

There is nothing more irritating than texting someone on your iPhone that has Android. Listen I love Android, I had it for years but recently switched to iPhone for a change. I’m indifference to be honest, they are both great, both have their pros and cons but this isn’t about that. This is about Apple’s utter disrespect for my texting game. How do you go from putting this beautiful blue in iMessanger to a nasty lime booger green when you are using normal text messaging. It’s just humiliating to look at and quite frankly it throws my flow right out the window. I tell you this, if a chick give me her number and as I’m inputting into a new text message window, if that little ‘send’ button doesn’t turn blue… I’m out. She’s already lost on me because without me even saying a word I’m rattled. My game is based off of confidence and the lime green shreds that to pieces. So how am I supposed to approach her now, my hearts already bumping, steams coming out of my ears. I’m already a beaten man at that point. iPhone needs to fix this and it needs to be fix yesterday.

I’ll tell you something even worse. Sometimes you’re in a conversation and the iPhone decides it can’t send an iMessage even though they have an iPhone. So, with no regard to human beings it just send a normal nasty lime green text message. Ohh shit, do I lose it. That moment right then is like when your mom walked in on you jerking off. It’s a god damn buzz kill and your gun shy for at least a week. By help me god if this doesn’t get fixed I’ll go back to chatting on AIM. All that shit was customizable.